I've been thinking a lot about that question lately. Are we teaching them that their bodies are strong, or are we teaching them that they need to hand their bodies over to the the authorities: plastic surgeons, diet centers, medicine, hospitals?
I have a twelve-year old. She was present at the birth of her brother when she was three. I was laboring in a nice sized labor tub, leaning toward my partner, my head on his shoulder, when she stripped to her underwear and got in with us. She wrapped one arm around her father's neck, and one around mine and leaned her head into both of us. She didn't say a word, just "held the space" as if to tell both of us that it wasn't so long ago she made the same journey and it was going to be all right.
A couple weeks ago, I attended a birth where the mom's five-year old little girl, Violet, was present. The birth took place in a birth center, so to Violet, it just felt like a home-away-from-home. I was fascinated as I watched her get glasses of water for her mom, lay her head on her mom's shoulder, and generally encourage her throughout the event without a hint of fear. Toward the end, just before her mama started pushing in the labor tub, she took turns with me dipping a large cup into the tub and slowly pouring the water over her moms contracting belly.
My daughter has been present for about six of the doula workshops I've taught. She's a pro at the techniques we use in labor to ease pain and facilitate progress. She's practically memorized the birth videos I show. I'd dare say she knows more about labor and birth and the female body than most adult women. At my last doula training, (which I taught in my home) I caught her and her friend sneaking peaks at the participants and the birth videos. On one of our lunch breaks, we watched them leave the house with balloons stuffed in their shirts to simulate pregnant bellies. Just after the training was over, I took this picture of them giving each other hand massages with the massage oil I had used.
In her memoir, Labor of Love, Cara Muhlhahn, the midwife featured in The Business of Being Born, has this to say:
"Many midwives recognize the value of the psychological inheritance that is the result of a birthing mother's own mom having birthed successfully. Story after story reveals that daughters of women who gave birth vaginally or breastfed bring a certain inner confidence to childbirth that is handed down from their mother's experience."
And what of sons? Today my nine-year old son took one of my business cards, put it in his wallet and said, "Mama, I'm going to keep this wallet until I get married so that I can give my wife your business card and you can help her have her baby."
What are you teaching your kids about the normal physiological process we call birth?