I've been thinking a lot about that question lately. Are we teaching them that their bodies are strong, or are we teaching them that they need to hand their bodies over to the the authorities: plastic surgeons, diet centers, medicine, hospitals?
I have a twelve-year old. She was present at the birth of her brother when she was three. I was laboring in a nice sized labor tub, leaning toward my partner, my head on his shoulder, when she stripped to her underwear and got in with us. She wrapped one arm around her father's neck, and one around mine and leaned her head into both of us. She didn't say a word, just "held the space" as if to tell both of us that it wasn't so long ago she made the same journey and it was going to be all right.
A couple weeks ago, I attended a birth where the mom's five-year old little girl, Violet, was present. The birth took place in a birth center, so to Violet, it just felt like a home-away-from-home. I was fascinated as I watched her get glasses of water for her mom, lay her head on her mom's shoulder, and generally encourage her throughout the event without a hint of fear. Toward the end, just before her mama started pushing in the labor tub, she took turns with me dipping a large cup into the tub and slowly pouring the water over her moms contracting belly.
My daughter has been present for about six of the doula workshops I've taught. She's a pro at the techniques we use in labor to ease pain and facilitate progress. She's practically memorized the birth videos I show. I'd dare say she knows more about labor and birth and the female body than most adult women. At my last doula training, (which I taught in my home) I caught her and her friend sneaking peaks at the participants and the birth videos. On one of our lunch breaks, we watched them leave the house with balloons stuffed in their shirts to simulate pregnant bellies. Just after the training was over, I took this picture of them giving each other hand massages with the massage oil I had used.
In her memoir, Labor of Love, Cara Muhlhahn, the midwife featured in The Business of Being Born, has this to say:
"Many midwives recognize the value of the psychological inheritance that is the result of a birthing mother's own mom having birthed successfully. Story after story reveals that daughters of women who gave birth vaginally or breastfed bring a certain inner confidence to childbirth that is handed down from their mother's experience."
And what of sons? Today my nine-year old son took one of my business cards, put it in his wallet and said, "Mama, I'm going to keep this wallet until I get married so that I can give my wife your business card and you can help her have her baby."
What are you teaching your kids about the normal physiological process we call birth?
The Gift of Giving Life Book Review
11 years ago
3 comments:
Wow, really makes me consider what I'm teaching my daughter. Thanks for the post!
My daughter who was born at home used to read through my childbirth books and was always fascinated with the pictures of women giving birth.
When she was 4 she happily explained to my 11 year old brothers that babies come out "yor goohl pawts" and not your belly button.
It's such an important thing to help our daughters, or girls in our midst, understand that childbirth is normal and something worth feeling.
Hi there,
I was reading your blog, you have no idea how inspiring it is for me!
My 15 months old son was born at home, in a pool. Before him I didn't know a thing about pregnancy, child birth... I had this vision of giving birth being a horrible painful moment. Probably because of all these movies where you see women about to give birth, in pain, their partner seem useless and call an ambulance and they make it "right on time" to the hospital, where the partner is sent to a waiting room, excluded from his own child's birth, and a team of doctors put the woman on a drip, and someone come and tell him when everything is over... :(
But when I got pregnant, even if I didn't know anything about pregnancy, birthing, etc... I knew I wanted to give birth in the most natural way, drug free, at home. When my son was born, he was blue and wasn't breathing. The midwives were trying to rescucitate him but he actually decided to live when he has heard his father's voice. He recognized this familiar voice and opened his little eyes and took a deep breath and started to cry. Then I had to jump out of the pool, deliver the after birth asap, get dressed (with no pads...so I ended covered in blood in no time :) and got in the ambulance with the baby (I only got to hold him and look at him for the very first time in the ambulance :( As soon as we got to the hospital, I felt completly disempowered. I wasn't in control of anything. The hospital took control of everything without telling me what was going on. I had to stay there for 5 days and it was really traumatic. I didn't have any support, my baby was on a drip in post natal care and no one was telling me what was going on, they just said that if he wasn't breastfed they will put him on formula milk. He was on a drip, so not hungry, so not really up for trying to breastfeed. Then we were sent home and it took me ages to recover... not from the birth but from the hospital stay, that was so awful. I ended up being depressed and struggled to bond with my baby, I felt so isolated. Now I feel much better and I realise how much having the support of a doula with me at that crucial time would have made things so much easier for everyone (partner included:). Your website makes me seriously consider becoming a doula, to heal my own birthing experience, and to help other women to not go through that :)
So thank you for being such an inpiration :)
Have a lovely day, from London, in the UK!
Noemie.
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